What a long, strange trip it's been. Only a couple of months ago, the nation was prepping for the debut of "The Bachelor Canada," and as of next week, the journey comes to a close. But before we could find out who Brad Smith gave the last rose to, the women must bare their souls and tell all.
This week, the most memorable bachelorettes joined Tyler Harcott to discuss the ins and outs of "The Bachelor Canada," and drama was their VIP guest. But don't take that sentence's word for it -- we've got a rose ceremony to begin.
- Starting an episode with an "I didn't come here to make friends" montage is a good reminder of what it's probably like to be a bachelorette (read: terrifying). Just don't tell anybody that these women weren't the first to make sure bold declarations. + 2 roses
- So first on the hot seat is Melissa Marie, the Playboy model with a little girl, who felt that not all of the women supported her being there. Girls like Michelle B., for example, who says Melissa Marie should've gone home if her heart wasn't really "Bachelor"-oriented. Viewers think this is presporous until... (- 1 rose)
- Melissa Marie admits that she wasn't super into Brad and thought there'd be a different bachelor to begin with. (Gasp!) No offense, Brad, but you weren't Melissa Marie's type. This probably would have meant more, however, had he not sent her home a few weeks back. - 3 roses, + 2 audience head shakes
- Tia's next to air her grievances. Supposedly, she told Brad in Mexico that she didn't feel a connection, but went through the rest of the series "respectfully" -- which Ana thinks was two-faced. Tia's indifferent shrugs imply how little she cares, and if she was holding a mic, she would have dropped it for effect. + 1 rose
- But these claims pale in comparison to the presence of Gabrielle, who is greeted with audience murmurs before a montage of her own plays to cheers. She's just being honest, she claims. She just "tells it like it is," she reminds. Suddenly, the series seems empty without her. - 2 roses, + 3 audience cheers for Gabrielle's claims that Whitney is "evil"
- Not according to Britany, however, who tells Gabrielle that her "I'm just telling the truth" disclaimer is just a way to validate bullying. Laura F. agrees, and says the women of the mansion thought Gabrielle was a plant from production because she was so dramatic. Meanwhile, Kara stands up for "Gabi" and claims she is the sweetest person alive. Gabrielle then apologizes to Britany, because all venom must be saved for Whitney's appearance, one must assume. - 1 rose, + 4 "oh no you didn't!" expressions
- But what better time for a "fake boobs" montage than in this moment, where viewers are treated to close-ups of how bachelorettes looked in their dresses and/or bathing suits. The only thing worse? When they're asked directly whose breasts are real and whose are not. (Disclaimer: viewers likely missed this moment if they were hiding their faces and cringing in embarrassment.) - 6 roses
- So bring out Chantelle (please)! Reminding fans of why everyone loved her, she explains that her dad took her to "The Bachelor Canada" audition because they thought it would be "a fun adventure." She says that she vowed to be herself, have fun, and hopefully find love, and doesn't think her religious and moral values put her at a disadvantage. The girls agree because... (+ 2 roses)
- They do nothing but sing her praises. Not only did some share that they participated in prayer groups, others claim Chantelle changed their lives entirely. Tyler Harcott then really brings it: "We're all richer for having you in our lives." + 1 rose, + 5 tears of support
- And then out walks Whitney. While Chantelle claps, most other bachelorettes do not, and the audience walks the fine line between cheering, booing, clapping, gasping, and running out of the venue because it's all too much pressure. - 1 rose
- Whitney gets right to it. According to her, she is a confidant person and doesn't believe "good things come to those who wait." Eye rolls ensue, but not nearly as much as when she claims she never said anything negative to any girl, ever. Lies, accuses Gabrielle, who calls Whitney a cockroach, before launching into an attack on how sneaky she is. Whitney defends herself, but the back-and-forth continues. Finally... (- 4 cockroaches)
- Ana steps in, taking Gabrielle's side by agreeing that fine, Whitney didn't have to be friends with everyone, but she was a bully to a few of the women, and that wasn't fair. She then releases the proverbial hounds: maybe the reason Whitney can't open to Brad is because she doesn't actually have feelings for him, Ana challenges. Maybe for Whitney, it's about being No. 1. + 2 dramatic looks
- Or not. Reminding the masses that she's a human being, Whitney begins to cry and claims she's not the only person who did anything wrong while on the show. Chantelle nods understandably. Whitney apologizes. Britany says she admires how strong and driven Whitney is. Ana says they're different. Nobody hugs, but any person with eyes and a heart wants them to. + 2 roses, + 4 hugs
- Enter: Kara, who was sent home last week, and who re-affirms that her time spent with Brad was special and fun. However, his choice to send her home was a good one, she believes. Why? Well, she loves Brad Smith -- she's just not in love with Brad Smith. + 4 roses (for honesty)
- So what better time to bring out Brad? Affirming that there was a "calm understanding" between him and Kara when she made her exit, he then comes under fire from seemingly every other woman on the show. The first being Nicole, who asked why he kept her around so long when he just sent her home anyway. Brad apologizes and said he tried to arrange for one-on-one time -- that's why he put her on Chantelle's lumberjack team. "You can never underestimate the power of God," he laughs. + 2 roses, + 3 nods of agreement
- Now it's Brad's turn to get real. Claiming Tia never told him there was no connection, he says that if she actually felt that way she should have just left -- or if she had actually made the declaration she claimed to have, he would have told producers the deal. Murmurs of "yikes" ensue. - 2 roses, + 4 murmurs of "yikes"
- And now for Chantelle. Asking whether Brad would have given her a rose, he says initially yes, but as time went on, it would have been uncomfortable between them. Brad reminds that she hadn't kissed a guy in four years, and had he kissed her and not ended up with her, it would have been disrespectful. She nods, he sings her praises, the audience holds their hearts. + 4 roses
- But it's not a "Tell All" episode without tears... from Brad. Facing Laura B. -- the bachelorette he sent home in Paris -- Mr. Smith begins to cry, telling her that she's "more than good enough for any guy, and any guy that comes along will be the luckiest guy in the world." Empowerment, thy name is this episode of "The Bachelor Canada." + 7 roses, + fist pumps
Best bachelorette of the week: Chantelle. You've got to respect any person who sees "the villain" as a person, and applauds her accordingly.
Worst bachelorette of the week: Tia. But only if she made up the Mexico story.
Brad's smooth line of the week: "You can never underestimate the power of God." (Especially when it comes to lumberjack tournaments.)